Something inside of me has died. Something deep, and solid, and sacred is gone. This thing, this solemn and holistic thing is missing from most “Men”. Our adventure, our passion, our very nature has left us.
As a boy, I spent every waking minute in the forest behind my home. To me, that was what I was called to do; I was made for adventure. I reveled in those summer nights that I could squeeze a few more hours of daylight into my fort building or land exploring. It was my God-given duty to conquer the land behind our home. I had to raft down the McKenzie River, I had to chase the wild deer in the early morning, and I had to build the biggest tree fort on the highest branch. These desires were ineffable. I cannot tell you how far my heart sunk when I would stumble upon a fence or see another house. Every piece of civilization that I came across was an indicator that my world was getting smaller.
Today, I’m sitting in my corner office in a sprawling business complex in the greater Los Angeles area. I’m staring out at the trees and pond adjacent to our building. I’ve been contemplating buying an old Willys jeep to take camping in the Sierra Nevadas. Every time I let myself daydream about the adventures I could have in that old Jeep, I have to tell myself “You’ll never make it out there. You’ve got too much business to do here. You can’t take time off work. You can’t even go a day without your BlackBerry.”
It’s true. The “Man” I’ve become wouldn’t do that. The “Man” I’ve become is more worried about climbing the corporate latter than climbing the tallest tree. The “Man” I’ve become worries too much to enjoy a break.
This makes me think…
What happened to that boy? What happened to daringness and adventure? When did fashion become more important than function? When did following systems and processes become more important than following trails and blazing new ones? As a boy, the most important aspect of my wardrobe was how many pockets I had to carry my “stuff” (treasures, tools, snacks) in. You can’t carry a hatchet in a 3-piece suit. You can’t cross a river in Italian leather shoes. What purpose does a silk neck-tie serve? Are cuff links really necessary?
The adventures I face now, pale in comparison to the adventure of really living. I build corporate offices. I expand my client base. I implement sales tools to increase my profits. I read people to distinguish key points to hit during a presentation… This isn’t who I’m meant to be. I have become a shell of a man, I’m grasping at anything that might be worth holding on to.
I want to build fortresses. I want to expand into uncharted territory. I want to implement my own tools of survival. I want to read the land. I don’t want to be clinging tight to the few things in life that I think are worthwhile, I want to open my arms to new things that will enrich my life.
A Man was not meant to work hard to find favor in the eyes of his superiors. A Man was not meant to stand tall to gain respect in the eyes of his subordinates. A Man works hard for himself and those he loves. A Man stands tall in his beliefs and convictions. His strength comes from his faith and knowledge. His honor and power should never be called into question unless by nature, by himself, or by God.
I want to taste the earth’s soil when I bite my fingernails. I want my muscles to ache and burn when I lay down at night. I want my clothes to be stained with dirt, and blood, and sweat. I want to feel accomplishment. I want to seek adventure. I want to know danger. I want to live like a Man has been called to live.
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